I believe my whole life has a soundtrack – different songs pop in my head that make me feel like they explain exactly what I am thinking – They help define all of the indiscernible thoughts that ramble around, without definition, in my brain. I often post lyrics on here because I feel like the artists that write lyrics can explain it so much better than I can. Keeping that in mind today I threw on a Patty Loveless classic and held my head in my hands and prayed that all of the families from 9/11 have found peace.

I obviously observed a minute of silence – which despite my solitary presence in the studio – I still felt was important. 9/11 is – unfortunately – one of those things that will be marked in history (in my lifetime) by people everywhere remembering where they were when they heard.

I was at work in a call center providing customers broken down at the side of the road, with roadside assistance. Sitting next to a fellow co-worker a few years short of retirement we we’re both reveling in the early morning easy pace of work. Laughing about something she got a call and I reclined back in my seat a little – when a supervisor came and turned the channel on the television we had tuned to the weather channel, to one with the News. As I turned to watch (I think it was Good Morning America) within 5 minutes I was watching the second plane fly in to the tower. My first thoughts were with my cousin a New York resident and a one time worker of the Trade Centers. Heading back to my desk I shared the news with my co-worker, who was immediately worried about her brother who was headed out of (I think Boston but my memory could be failing) the States on a flight home. Everyone was in a state of shock and the company – thoughtfully – did two things – They put the TV in a room with chairs so people could go and watch on their breaks and keep updated and then they made a loudspeaker announcement that if anyone was worried about families or under stress and worry to the point of distraction they could go home. Worried about my cousin but also having a severe case of Weltschmertz (look it up) I decided to go home. What I didn’t know is that my mother had stayed home with my brother and they were all sitting by the television – my brother too young to really fully understand my mom tried to explain and then let him go and play. My mother and I sat there watching everything (including the towers come down) and cried. I found in this time of grief we were watching anything and everything we could find on the news and television about it – not to be “rubberneckers” but because in times of great tragedy I find that you search for answers why. I think we were looking for the cracks in between what the anchors were saying to figure out why someone would do something so incomprehensible, figuring on more information somehow making sense of the mess.

When I made my recent trip to New York I knew that one of the places I wanted to visit was the site of the twin towers. I wanted to pay my respects and also to bring a little closure for myself. As Nataschia and Mike walked around the site with me I was seeing a hole and a construction site but nothing registered. So we walked to where the firefighters memorial wall is – This is the first tug I felt and I reached for my camera and began photographing each row of names. I wanted to know their names and honour their lives by remembering them.

We walked down a walkway along the one side of the construction site and then ended up in a building where you could see from across the street directly into the site. The devastation and sheer size of what happened was starting to sink in and then Mike – Nataschia’s husband (my unofficial tour guides) pointed to one building and then said the WTC towers were something like 90 (can’t remember the exact #) stories even higher than that. I just couldn’t fathom something that large coming down and yet most things around it still standing. The atrium of this building was stunning and I just couldn’t help taking a photo.

We walked through that building and down a set of stairs to one of the most beautiful memorials anyone could have thought up (in my opinion) Here is a photo and then I will explain

This is the memorial for the 11 American Express employees that died that day and I have to say it was very moving and highly personal. It was like a fountain and it had 11 sides each side bearing a name of an employee that perished. Then under the water on the inside in front of their name was a few brief descriptive words that talked about their lives or who they were.

Reading something like this put a human touch to the name in the granite and the kicker that made me tear up (you can see this in the first photo) is that 11 tear drops are always falling for each of the 11 that died. This memorial was/is beautiful and truly fitting.

We then walked around the other side and into St Paul’s Cathedral – a beautiful church that was just across the street from 9/11 and was protected by the trees in front of it. This church now houses all of the good wishes, posters, flags, letters and figurines sent by people all over the world to support New York after 9/11.

St Paul’s was a nice way to end it – all of the tributes and memorials are truly beautiful but what St Paul’s showed was not only the American spirit but the love that out poured from the world. I think it’s that love (without sounding corny) that will win the war on terror – more than any bombs. I’d like to end this post with the lyrics to the Patty Loveless song that was in my head this morning . . .

Through the back window of a ’59 wagon
I watched my best friend Jamie slippin’ further away
I kept on waving ’till I couldn’t see her
And through my tears, I asked again why we couldn’t stay
Mama whispered softly, Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye?
It’s OK to hurt, and it’s OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?

I sat on our bed, he packed his suitcase
I held a picture of our wedding day
His hands were trembling, we both were crying
He kissed me gently and then he quickly walked away
I called up Mama, she said, Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye?
It’s OK to hurt, and it’s OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?

Sitting with Mama alone in her bedroom
She opened her eyes, and then squeezed my hand
She said, I have to go now, my time here is over
And with her final word, she tried to help me understand
Mama whispered softly, Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye?
It’s OK to hurt, and it’s OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?